I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
