Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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