Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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