So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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