bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
