i would punch a child for taco bell
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am naked and annoyed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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