So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
