Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
