I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
