the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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