I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
