so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
