i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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