3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
