you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
