Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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