honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
