i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
