Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
