when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
