I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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