and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
