wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
