One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
