that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
