Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
