I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
