i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
