I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize