i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
