i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
