ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
