my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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