Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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