Please, let me fuck your mom
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
