I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
