awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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