this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My balls are so social today.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
