my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
