im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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