it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think my moral compass just broke
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
