Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
