Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize