SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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