party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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