so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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