I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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