I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
