Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
