Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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