some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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