Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
