She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
