turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
