I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
