Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
