Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
