I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
