I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
