Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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