im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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