im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
