And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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