I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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