Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
