I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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