woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Help. Why am I so naked?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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