Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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