just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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