fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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