god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
