I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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