Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
