From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
