you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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