honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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