Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
